Understanding Regret, Hindsight and Healing

Objects in the Rearview Mirror

I've been thinking about regret and hindsight lately and how time passing may not heal all wounds. Sometimes, the more time passes, the more inaccurate and skewed our viewpoint can become. We often feel more hurt, disappointed, and angry. Over time we bypass the context, emotion, and complexities of the choices made, analyzing the past with all the advantages contained within the present moment. Like the warning, "Objects in the rearview mirror may appear larger than they are." Hindsight is the clear, large, and obvious picture.

The problem is that there's a tendency to paint the past with a different brush, a pattern called hindsight bias, also known as the "I knew-it-all-along" effect, and it's this phenomenon that causes people to exaggerate the predictability of an event after it's happened. This effect can be torturous because your pain or disappointment now seems avoidable.

What seems so obvious or easy now, obviously, wasn't the obvious choice then. 

We regret because we know what's important to us, what we desire and value. Hindsight and regret come from a desire to escape the pain of missing this mark. Time passing too long in this manner only reinforces the pain and diminishes our responsibility over our emotions and healing. A hard, sad, bad thing has happened, and it sucks. 

There's no measurable amount of time or one formula to stop regretting, but eventually, hindsight and regret only imprison our minds and hearts. The only key out of this prison is to accept what is, work through the feelings, apologize, forgive, and learn what we can. 

The past is unchangeable and unmovable; the only place we have any power is in the present. In the present, we can heal our wounds. Not in the passing of time built around a narrative of hindsight and if only, but a narrative built around the question, what now?

Hindsight can be useful, but only when applied purposefully. Applying a reflective spirit to a situation you're unhappy with requires the willingness to embrace the discomfort and to look back with non-judgement and compassion.

Hindsight Bias

Hindsight bias, known as "knew-it-all-along, "makes people believe that they had expected the outcome all along.

Why does Hindsight Bias happen? Here are just a few reasons:

1. We like simplifying complex situations to a single cause or narrative. This simplification occurs more quickly once we know the outcome, making it seem like we "knew" it would happen beforehand.

2. Need for closure which provides a sense of safety and comfort by creating the illusion of predictability. Believing that we could have predicted an event reduces uncertainty and gives us a feeling of control.

3. Memory inaccuracies because we tend to alter recollections in light of the actual outcome. This causes the faulty belief that we expected the outcome.

Awareness Creates Freedom

Hindsight bias results from the complex interplay between cognitive processes, memory, and the need for safety and self-affirmation. It's essential to be aware of this bias to improve decision-making, learn from the past, and stop replaying and judging ourselves for what cannot be changed.

If you want to learn how to move past the pain of regret, contact me today and we can schedule your free consultation.

If we haven’t met before, I’m Shawna Campbell, a Life Coach on a mission to help you change your mind to change your life. Learn more about me and what I do at www.shawnacampbell.com

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