I explored the three keys to lasting love in my most recent Instagram post. One key is to prioritize connection. What does this mean, and how is connection sustained with all the demands, pressures and stressors in everyday life?
Connection is about reaching for and responding to each other as you go through life. It isn't a feeling as much as an action that says, we're on the same team.
Connection increases bonding hormones and contributes to a sense of trust and reliability. It's a practice that demonstrates a commitment to caring for each other's needs, well-being, and the vision and values you have as a couple.
Time together, affection, words of gratitude, small gestures, date nights and talking about fears and dreams are all ways to connect, but these practices are often the first things that get thrown to the side. When jobs, in-laws, health challenges and everyday tasks push their way in-between a couple, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, distrust, and resentment. Eventually, a couple sees each other as a role or label, a series of tasks or even a placeholder, and will stop seeing why they fell in love and what they admired and enjoyed about their relationship.
The good news is that prioritizing connection and creating lasting love is not an all-or-nothing proposition. It's built by the small things that couples do regularly. These small actions, sprinkled with occasional large gestures and chunks of time, send a clear message, I see, hear and need you, and I'm on your side.
While it's challenging to sustain a high level of connection and passion daily, there are some simple things you can do to convey your love and care. Don't underestimate the value of these small acts to reinforce the foundation of love. Here are some ideas for prioritizing connection day-to-day.
Kiss at least twice a day.
Leave a quick note to say "hi," or "I love you."
Make an effort to spend some time together -share one positive experience, and debrief about your day.
Give compliments and express gratitude.
Be affectionate -hold hands, hug and cuddle.
Learn how your partner needs to be shown love and do that!
Some connection practices mean that you retreat from life's demands and reinforce what makes you strong as a couple. These more substantial chunks of time can provide the space and breathing room to reconnect, recommit, and see each other outside of the roles and labels you occupy in your home and the world.
Regular date nights - connect in a low-pressure and fun way!
Check-ins and time to communicate about the relationship -what's working and where's support needed.
Vacations.
Time with friends and family.
Make plans for the future and dream together.
This is by no means an exhaustive list; however, I hope it inspires thoughts around connection practices in all your relationships. The things we nourish, grow, and relationships require deliberate choices and actions to thrive.
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