If They Loved Me, They Would...
What does it mean, to be in love? Many people think being in love is a feeling, and boy can it feel good! In the beginning, when we're falling in love, lots of biochemical and physiological things are happening, and we equate this sensation to the other person: they make me feel this way, I just feel so happy, attractive, safe and fun with them. I just love them. Sort of, but what you really love is how you feel when you're with them, but that isn't love.
Love's not a noun; not a thing and not a feeling. It's a verb, and an action; an action where the well-being of another person is the main vision, goal and intention. It's a reoccurring commitment to meet in the space between the you and the I.
It's here in this space that a relationship exits, and it's here, where you act from a place a love. In this place you don't need the person to be what you want or need, so that you can feel loved. Love isn't two becoming one - where we like the same, think the same and need the same, but rather, love's about each person becoming whole and meeting in a place where that's nurtured and celebrated. In this space, the action says - I'm curious. What do you need? What's happening for you and how can I be part of that? What would demonstrate my positive regard and respect for you?
Using another as a means of satisfaction and security is not love. Love is never security; love is a state in which there is no desire to be secure; it is a stage of vulnerability. - J Krishnamurti
To love is to revere, which means you treat someone or something with deep respect. Period. Not deep respect if they or when they. It's not an exchange for a certain result, therefore it isn't a reward for good behavior or withheld with bad behavior, and it isn't kept from you when you don't toe the line or held hostage from others when your preferences or expectations aren't met. It's a choice and an action, and is demonstrated by meeting a person where they are in each moment.
Real love is the ability to be connected to another but detached from their outcomes and choices. The moment you can unhook your happiness, peace and well-being from others, is the moment you understand real love.
The instant your honor another person, as a person, and their journey, as their journey, you'll be living from love. The truth is, that as soon as you do this, it'll be reflected back to you. Our brains are designed to mirror each other and can learn from, copy and mimic each other’s behaviors. Control begets control, anger begets anger and anxiousness begets anxiousness, and so in the same breath, acceptance begets acceptance, supports begets support - you can see where I'm going here. Others don't feel loved when you want to change or fix or help them the way you want them to be changed or fixed or helped.
Ask yourself what's happening when you experience love. Is it when you're being judged? Asked to change? Encouraged to do it someone else’s way? If you find yourself saying, if he/she would, then I could finally feel loved, then it's time to make it your purpose to learn how to create this feeling for yourself, now. Love is a place of vulnerability; there's no predictability, no assurance and no security, because you cannot control, choose or change others. To love others well, you must start by showing yourself reverence, and taking responsibility for your own peace and happiness.
Speak and do things, in love.
Ask for and express, in love
Show up and share, in love, and in love, you shall be.
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